My Memory of Silver Springs

A song can take you back to a perfect moment, or if you’re like me, it might pull you back to disastrous time as well.

The good songs take me back. To better times. For instance, the song ‘La Vie Boheme’ always takes me back to my final years of college with Charmaine. We would begin playing Rent the movie as we started to prepare for our evening out, then by the time ‘La Vie Boheme’ began to play, we were ready to party at the bars. ‘Good Morning’ from Singing in the Rain reminds me of my first night with my second boyfriend. His roommate played it loudly after she woke up knowing we spent the night together.

But those good songs aren’t the ones I really want to talk about. I want to talk about a great song with a bad experience.

‘Silver Springs’ written by Stevie Nicks and performed by Fleetwood Mac has always resonated with me. Granted, it could be because the first timeI heard it I was the person the narrator was speaking to.

I started dating this guy in November of. 2014. We hit it off well. We had a few similar interested and had fun together. We dated for about six weeks, and then I went off to New Orleans. I kept telling him how much he meant to me, how sweet he was, and all those lovely feelings one has at a budding romance. I wear my emotions outward and feel everything with an intensity.

Before I left, I wanted to feel out where our relationship was. I wanted to know what ‘we were’. He basically told me to go off and be me. I did. This was one of those ‘tests’ that people put others through. I failed.

I went out and hooked up with this guy. It was an okay time in retrospect. I remember texting the guy and telling him about this and wanting anything to basically get me to stop. He kind of pushed me to do it in a noncommittal way.

Our relationship ended, and he stated that there was no chance we would get back together. This was the first time he told me to listen to ‘Silver Springs’.

I read an article on Sunday, almost three years after this. It talked about that song almost seeming like a curse. It sticks with you. It stays with you. It almost like this man wanted me to know I was wrong and wouldn’t forget him.

The funny thing is… I feel like I’m now the singer.

Oddly, that guy and I did not stop seeing each other. I met up with him a couple weeks after I got back. We had drinks. We then fooled around. We fell into oddly the same habits we had before I left for New Orleans. The biggest difference was he moved in with me. The day he moved in, we went and saw Fleetwood Mac at the Prudential Center in Newark.

We lived together for seven months. He never let it be called a relationship, yet we did dates. We slept together. We did everything together. He introduced me to the band Magic Man. We saw the Ting Tings. We saw Kelly Clarkson. We saw Madonna, twice. It was on the second showing that things began to go downhill.

The night before, we got into it about what time we would get up the next morning. We stayed up and watched Scream Queens on Hulu. I said I needed to get up and do laundry and this and that. He basically laughed at me. It was incredibly patronizing. I got grumpy. He called me a bitch, and I went to sleep angry.

The next day the weight of what we weren’t set in. I talked to my roommate about it, and the anger continued to grow. The trip to Philadelphia and back was spent in argument. Weeks passed with us sleeping in separate rooms. I was over. It. There was nothing to salvage. There was one big blow out where he revealed he saw a text message of me and some other guy that didn’t exist. I told him I fooled around with someone one else in the weeks we’d been separated.

He proceeded to move out that week.

I wish that was it, but we ended up hanging out for a while down the line on two occasions. He caught me at Starbucks one day and we chatted. He got negative and patronizing again, and I ended it. Then a few weeks ago, he sent me a message on my phone. The small talk went fine, but as soon as he asked about my cats, I blocked him.

After the conversations over the last few days, Stevie Nicks was something I wanted to listen to and particularly Silver Springs. I thought I might have loved this guy, but I loved the idea of love. I didn’t really love him. I probably could have if things had been completely different. Then again, if things were completely different I would not be on the path I’m currently on. And he wouldn’t be just another memory.

If you want to check out ‘Silver Springs’ by Fleetwood Mac, which I definitely recommend, you can buy it on Amazon or listen to it on Spotify.

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