Right now, all I am thinking about is how I just hit rock bottom.
I am fine, but I have people asking me to go to the hospital. I can’t afford that. I have a dentist appointment. I cannot afford that. I am without a tablet, headphones, and my printed copy of my novel. I have a torn up face, a broken tooth, and severely busted lip.
The worst part of all this is I have no idea what happened.
Here’s what I do remember. I remember drinking and hanging out with my friends in Jersey City at 1145.
I have put together that I left the bar around 1245 or 1 to head into the city. Apparently, I went over to Two Boots and talked to my former assistant manager. We, also apparently, made plans to meet at Stonewall.
The next thing I know for certain is I did not meet him at Stonewall. I remember ‘coming to’ wandering around Chelsea. I knew where I was headed, but I seemingly got turned around. I did not have my backpack. I had fallen. I remember clearly falling, but I could not tell you where or what prompted the fall. Nonetheless, I broke my tooth. My upper lip is completely cut open, and I have a face that I am pretty positively hit the ground.
I was awake after my fall until around 11 am. I estimate that being about eight hours afterwards.
I messed up. This isn’t the life I want to lead, and it’s nothing of a superhero life. It’s a life of self pity, regret, and pain. It’s spending more money than I should just to get back on track. There’s a few upsides, I apparently had insurance on my tablet. I am paid above on my rent so I can just ask my roommate for my money back to pay it. I have insurance at a local dentist that will at least allow them to look at my tooth. I have my novel backed up on the internet so that I can easily print it out again and get on it.
I have so much going for me. I have been exercising. I have two great jobs. I have been working hard on my writing and this blog. It sucks that I let myself lose control like this. And it’s not the way I am going to find myself.
My friend said I should take some time away from alcohol. Obviously, it’s not easy considering I work at a bar, but I agree with her. 100 days sounds good. I can add it to my hundred days to a healthier me, and I can be done with this 100 days of sobriety by the time I go to New Orleans. Or maybe I won’t. Who knows. It’s 100 days from now, but I know I have to take it one day at a time and recapture the superhero within. This was a horrible night that cost me a lot, but it can be priceless if I learn and grow from it.
I apologize to you all nonetheless. i disappointed you, and I disappointed myself. But it’s only regrettable if I don’t become stronger from this setback.