It amuses me that today is my sassy Saturday. I followed my own rules of one drink per hour and then ended up playing catch-up by the end of the night. This was not how I was supposed to work the system. It means the system was broken and I need to rework it.
However, I was sassy.
My friend, last night, had her thirtieth birthday. I went to celebrate. I made sure she drank a bit more water than she would, and spent too much time commenting on their drink selections. Nonetheless, I had a great time. But me being the sassy bitch I am, I needed more. I made may way into Manhattan to see a couple of my old coworkers and good friends.
At this time, I just exited the tunnel and listening to the Mowglis station on my Spotify. I am jamming and dealing and living.
It’s all about learning. This is the life I like to lead. I weirdly miss Manhattan every time I am not part of the action and there are so many actions here. People are meeting and retreating, and new people are stepping in to take place. It makes this place the epicenter of activity and is always my draw when I think about life and living it. It’s the, honestly, horrible truth I have to juggle living and working right beside it. My alcoholic subconscious needs it and my sober mind tries to temper it.
Tomorrow might be hard. It’s 2am and I am wondering what my tired butt will be doing in 14 hours when he needs to be opening the bar. The greatest thing about this blog is I’ll be already doing it well before this posts. It’s a weird thing that this does traveling to the future for people to read.
I guess that’s the downside. Sassy me takes over rational me and I have to decide my priorities. I have such problems with this in the short term, let alone a longer term. What will this mean in a longer term that sassy comes out? He wraps his arms around me and says mine….
I should take a step back. Feel trapped. Feel like I’m in control. Instead…
Those arms around me… telling me to just go… feel incredibly comforting. They let me fall and be me. The trapped feeling is the other side of me. The control.
Balance. That’s a major goal for me. I need to find balance between that sassy nature and the logical one who keeps me safe both mentally and financially. Tonight…. I am just going to let go. I let my sassy out and the world is just going to have to deal.
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