I like looking at myself, and I do it a lot. To some extent, this blog is a bit narcissistic for that reason. I keep looking at myself and the things that I like and don’t like. Then, I write about them. Today, I am looking at another one of the things in my life that I need to work on, a character tick that I have trouble handling. Impulse control.
This is probably my biggest character flaw. I do not just ‘do’ something, I throw myself into it head first. When I start drinking, very soon I’m doing shots and rushing my way into the city. It’s hard for me to take it slow instead of just going full bore into it.
I do the same thing with Amazon orders. I end up wanting one thing, and very suddenly I have a cart full of books that I will not have time to read any time soon and a maxed out credit card.
Even when I eat, I tend to do the same thing. I am hungry so I order four tacos, two burritos, and a quesadilla. Then I eat them all. Or better yet, I buy a box of six donuts and proceed to eat them all.
It’s all impulse control. It’s all the idea that these things make me happy and I want them to make me happy now for as long as possible. In reality, this all just leads to more problems. The alcohol has led to thousands of dollars in dental bills, the Amazon orders lead to books lining my shelves that I haven’t touched since I bought, my credit card is overdraft, and the food just gives me useless calories that I need to spend hours at the gym getting rid of. It’s not helpful.
So, what do I do? How do I curb my impulse control?
The simple answer is very carefully. The more complicated answer is finding triggers, and finding out exactly what I am searching for that these are giving me in a micro way. That’s a complicated conversation I need to have with myself and figure out. It’s one of the things I’m definitely working on trying to calm myself down.
My drinking has gotten better over the last couple months, although I am still definitely over spending when it comes to that. I have always thought myself as someone who can either drink or be sober. There’s not an easy happy medium, but I am working on it. I do not need any more books until I’ve read everything I own which will take years. And I seriously need to figure out my caloric daily intake and make sure I’m eating enough and not over-eating. These are all little things that will push me in the right direction, but they all take time to figure out and get right.
It’s a process, and something that I need to work on daily. It’s stuff that I am working on daily. Each day, I like to think I’m one step closer to ending up exactly where I need to be. Each day, a step closer. I just have to keep walking to end up there.
If you want to see more of the Advocate of Adventure’s healthy living ideas, her book, or just check her out. You can find out more here at the Advocate of Adventure.