Sixty Day Superhero – Day Fourteen

We live in a very chaotic world, and sometimes it feels like the entire world is pressing against us. Worse yet, the world feels like it is pulling you far FAR away from your goals. Suddenly, you’re an anxious ball of stress eating cheese curds instead of making it to the gym, or you go on an amazon buying spree instead of getting ahead on your bills. This just oddly leads to more chaos and more stress as you try to right yourself or over compensate and tire yourself out.

In these kinds of situations, you need to find yourself and focus inward on making the right decisions. Easy, right? Yeah, I know it sounds complicated. It is complicated.

Right now, I have a lot on my plate. I had a busy day at work last night. And it means a lot of cleaning when I make my way into work today. We also have an event tonight that may be the first line in a long line of events that I need to make sure it turns out okay. I also have an open call interview tomorrow. I’ve never done it before. Add my usual blog posting to that… I’m going a little bit crazy inside with anxiety.

How am I dealing with it? Well, I luckily have this blog to help me out. I can get my anxiety out into the open and see it for what it is. In reality, today will go fine. It may have a hitch or two, but it’ll be over in a few hours. My interview will have me be nervous, but I have the personality, the experience, and the skill for a number of jobs in the business I’m applying for. That’s reality.

People with anxiety get that reality is not how the mind works. You get stuck on repeat about something negative, or use the anxiety itself. And soon it spirals outward into a big circular loop to just plague everything.

I also see a therapist relatively often wen thins get to out of control in my life. Lately, my mind has been clear(ish) about things. I just have moments and a day like this. Tomorrow after the interview it will fade off into obscurity until the next time it rears its ugly head again.

Music is helping me a little bit. I had a song that got stuck in my head when I woke up, and that is playing in the same kind of circular loop (with different artists). The words are helping. They are showing me the world around me. Writing my story when I get to Jersey City will help even further. It will get me out of my head in the right way for a little while.

It is not easy to break yourself of the pattern. And finding your Xen is a slow process. I started reading Mindfulness in Plain English to try and learn to meditate. It has been simmer on the side burner and in moments like this I really feel like pulling it out and reading another chapter. It is not an instant fix, and meditation as a whole is something that may take a long time to learn, but in terms of long-term help for this anxiety it might be beneficial.

How do you find your Xen in this chaotic world? Do you write? Do you paint? What makes you break the chain of anxiety?

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