Fighting back the fears of life can be hard, and it’s something we as heroes are going to have to do every day. The last few days have been ups and downs in terms of fear, and I would not have gotten through it without some really good friends pushing me.
On Sunday night after work, I went out to have after work drinks. I go out and have one or two right after work, and then go home and go to sleep. It’s a ritual with my coworkers to wind down after the shift. My ex-coworker, Sean, and I went to a bar. We had a beer. Then he asked if I wanted to have another. I said yes. Now on Sunday afternoon, I had a very large anxiety issue. I had weight on my chest about my interview on Monday and the event I had that night. And after that passed, I sort of put it all to the back of my mind.
When I was coming in front outside, I noticed that the other owner of the bar I recently applied at was sitting in the bar. I wanted to talk to him. I had met this man on numerous occasions before, and when I Lund out he was opening a bar I wanted to work at, I sought him out on Facebook. We had a great conversation about the job, about our lives, and about New Orleans. When this conversation got over, it was almost 3am. I had to be in NYC by 10am for this open call.
I slept horribly. I woke up every hour, and finally at 7:30am decided that was enough. I was done. I wasn’t going to go in. I sent a message to my two friends I knew were up in hopes that they would validate my not going. (When I say ‘not going’, I did plan on going to the next open call on the 5th). One of my friends basically said that if I could handle working where I was working, I can do it. My other friend basically just told me to go. She told me how awesome I was. I could sleep after. By 8am, this enthusiasm had gotten me out of bed and printing out my resume. I then made it in to the interview.
I had made all the right excuses. I was tired. I was not going to be my best. I didn’t get much sleep. I didn’t look over my resume well. I didn’t have all the pertinent information on my resume. They were all just excuses, and a lot of them were based on fear.
Why was I afraid? Well, failure is always a bit fear of mine. I don’t want to go to a job interview and not get the job. I don’t want people to look at me like I’m stupid or that I’m not right. None of that happened.
I got to the call on time. I waited with the others and had a good conversation with someone else from New Jersey. The woman who interviewed me said everything I wanted to hear in terms of the kind of company I wanted to work for. I did well in the interview, and I have a feeling I’ll get a call or email shortly about it. I wouldn’t have this feeling of accomplishment if I’d given it to fear. If my friend had LET me give in to my fear.
Fear is a weird thing. The more you give into it, the more it allows you to be afraid. Once you push through it and let go, you realize that it’s also mostly bluster. You can do it, even if you sometimes need friends to help. Don’t let the fear take you over. You’ll be better off overcoming it. But that is easier said than done. I’m here to tell you that you can do it. I’ve got your back.