I had a lot of smiles for yesterday for some pretty silly reasons. For starters, I made good money this weekend, but had to work my butt off for it. This feeling of accomplishment made me happy on numerous occasions. Even now with sore muscles from moving furniture yesterday, I am still happy wit the work that I did and the stuff I accomplished. However, I also began a much more personal journey which warms my heart to a very different degree.
This weekend was the first time that I really felt balanced and present in my own life. I paused for a moment and began to smell the world around me. I just wanted to feel and see everything around me for exactly what it is. And it was great.
Balance is hard for me. I’m sure it’s actually hard for a lot of people, especially for those of us who think it dualities. Light and Dark. Right and Wrong. Gay and Straight. There are definitely more things between all of those. There are shades of gray. There are happy middles. There are bisexuals, gender fluids, and non-binaries. The idea that I am striving for is a balanced acceptance of everything, and my biggest smile for the weekend was realizing that was possible.
It’s a fleeting feel, of course, and one that I have to practice to bring back. But the fact that it happened meant I can reach out and find it again. It is not an easy journey, and it’s something that I have been striving for this kind of balance present-ness. It kept me smiling for a lot longer than just a happy compliment or funny joke would, and that’s something to strive for.
It’s funny how these journeys started. Mine started with a comic book ages ago. Then, I read an Oprah Book Club Book, and finally I began a book on Meditation. Each book felt tied to me personally, and then tied to the previous. Now, I am tying it back to stuff I read when I was coming out at 22, and figuring out this path. I will talk more about this down the line. Today, is about smiles.
This feeling brought up my mood all day on Saturday. It continued on to Sunday even as the exhaustive weekend crept in. Today, I am trying my damndest to stay present with that feeling, and following a path to finding it again so I can constantly spread the same kind of positivity out towards the world.
The world needs smiles in times like today. It needs people to be giving their all to promote happiness to the best of their ability and to help the people around them. If I can do that, I want to try. I’ll keep smiling an honest smile because I know how great the world is and how great people are. We are all in this together, and if a smile can bring us slightly closer then I’ll smile away.
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