As someone who has a lot of anxiety, it’s hard to think that I am more than enough. I think of myself as adequate at best. However, I should know different. I surround myself and read constantly about people who tell me how optimistic I am, how upbeat I am, or just how disciplined I am. I work very hard for all these things, but I never actually think I accomplish what I set out to do.
This could just be because I am involved in it. I can’t see things outside myself because I am apart of the things that are happening. I am the one sitting down and writing all the words. I am the one that is just trying to make the people around me feel better so I tell them how nice they look and how good they are doing. I just don’t want anyone around me to feel down.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I am not present in the world around me. I tend to be looking towards the future. I see the projects that are all before me instead f the one thing I need to be working on right now. I see the people around me and see that they’re having a bad day and don’t want it to get worse. I see my friend having a lot of drinks at the bar and feel obligated to hand them a glass of water. When it comes to myself, I’m future forward. When it comes to my friend, I’m a caregiver. It leads to all these different kind of thins and not seeing me as the way other people do.
I guess we all find ourselves lacking a little bit. We do not see the full potential that others may see in us based on how they know us. We don’t see ourselves like other people do, nor can we. This is the hardest part about being ‘more than enough’ you have to realize it inside yourself.
You don’t have to do it alone. We spend our lives internalizing the negativity towards us in the world. We just need to turn this around on its head and begin to internalize the positive things that people say. We internalize the issues of our parents and eventually find them as our issues. We internalize the beauty standards of the media. We internalize the ideas that culture is pushing on you. We need to break away from that and we can only do that together.
When your friend says you look nice, start seeing yourself each day as she sees you. When you have a good day at work, you need to bring those thoughts forward. In my case, I need to be looking at a good writing day and my consistent writing as a positive thing. I need to actually see it instead of just pushing it to the back of my mind. I need to actually see the kind of impact I have on the world, and the amount of things I do. I am disciplined. I am optimistic. I just need to constantly know it, internalize, and it make it me.
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