It seems like the closer I get to completion, the more all of the things I have talked about become more important. You can probably see that I am making up a lot of this as I go along. Charmaine mapped everything out as she did it with those wonderful images. I just sit down in front of my tablet and start typing. Everything seems to move together to form this person you are becoming, but people will not always see you as the new you, and it’s hard to show that to them.
Last night, I was walking back from Bourbon Street with my friends. I think I had four drinks in the three hours we were out. I had a bottle of water in the meantime. Nothing to really write home about in terms of drinking, but they opted to go home. The part of me that wanted to get smashed wanted to stay out, but I took the better judgement and went home. So, upside, I kept myself on the right path with the help of my friends. The conversation quickly turned to keeping a positive attitude.
My friends nicely brought up the fact that this was a short-lived thing for me. I’d gone two weeks with the pendulum swinging in the positive and the downward swing would eventually happen back towards negative Nancy. I don’t believe so. I had seen where holding on to that kind of negativity can go, and where it leads. I don’t want to constantly be swinging back and forth. Instead, I want to continue to embrace this peaceful balance that I have inside of me. I don’t think it necessarily the easiest option, but it is by far the healthier one. Nonetheless, it came to a head that they said ‘We hope you keep it up, but we’ll be waiting for the other shoe to drop.’
When I got home, I was a bit miffed about this. It wasn’t the kind of anger that would lash out at them, but I could hear my mind working to the ‘I will show them’ as if it was some type of contest that I could win. The first thing I did was just accept the thoughts laid before me. Then I let them go. It’s one of my biggest fears to slid back into that kind of negativity. I don’t want to be encased in that any longer. It’s also just my own doubts that I am getting angry about when I’m hearing their words. I have to accept that doubt and move forwards more positive.
You are changing. You are becoming the you that you were meant to be, and that you want to be. People will see that eventually but that change takes time. And it takes persistence to make it stick. It’s about being motivated, about giving yourself time to grow, and also giving yourself time to have fun. We can all do this if we work together. It just takes time and effort. We can all be superheroes. You just need to work at it one day at a time.