My life is changing. It’s a weird thing to think about. Every moment something changes and something shifts. I get a little bit older. I learn a little bit more. I move a little bit further on my way further in life. Everything continues onward from one moment to the next and nothing is the same. It’s interesting to think about, but I’m also learning to not dwell on thins. It’s all about the moment that I am living in.
New Orleans was a weird trip, especially now being back and answering the question about ‘how was it’. When I went there a few years ago with my SD friends and my family, it was just as an interesting trip. I was dating someone I really liked. I ended up sleeping with someone else while I was there. I got into a pretty large fight with my best friend. And ended up coming back to this really awkward situation on a lot of levels. My best friend I took ages to really connect again, the guy I still seemed to be dating, and later move in with, was a large cause of that. My life got really trying. This time, it was almost the complete opposite.
This time, I spent a lot of time just figuring myself out in the grand scheme of things. Before I left, I began to change my wardrobe. I added back the baseball cap that I used to wear. I began to change the blues I wore to greens and pinks. I cut back my drinking to almost a fourth of the amount I used to drink. And off I was to one of the biggest party cities in America. It was so different than any other time I’d been there. It was with different people who had a different attitude about things. And then there was me trying to find myself.
While I was there, I finished “The New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. I started meditating using the Mindfulness App. I got some stones that symbolize some great ideas. It was a really spiritual trip in a lot of ways. It helped me realize in a lot of ways that I don’t need to find myself. I have never been lost, so much as just not been in touch with the person I am. And the person present at the moment was definitely out of sync with the city I was in, and it was a great realization. I love my friends who were awesome during the entire trip. I love the city, but when I came back, I was ready for the next part of my life to continue. It was definitely one of those moments that you go back to move forward.
It’s interesting to me that I have such a focus now that I don’t know if I have ever had before. It’s wrapped up in use being here now. And it’s hard. I am not great at it. I don’t want to be pretend I’ve suddenly become this enlightened individual. I have still gotten lost in some thoughts. I have found myself be incredibly needy. My ego has still gotten in the way of things. I just know even as I sit here and write away the moments before I move on to my next thing, that I am on the right path. And that’s a great feeling to have. It’s a warmness in the spirit that I hope everyone can find and have.