I woke up this morning with an interesting text message. The message itself just said ‘Hey’ simple and to the point to elicit a conversation. The thing that took me by surprise was who the person messaging me was. It was a guy I met on one occasion, hooked up with, held a short chat with, and never heard from again. The fact he texted me excited me a bit. Was this someone who wanted to reach out? Was this a future date in the making? The answer was a most definite ‘No’. The text message came in at 5:45am. It was a booty text. I may sound like a sitcom, but is this what love and dating is going to be like moving forward?
It reminded me of a text from my ex a few months ago. I was still working at the pizzeria and got a random text. Instantly, my mind went to him reaching out. What did it mean he wanted to talk to me? How great would it be if we reconnected? Then the horribleness of how we treated each other set in. My friends told me to stop. He got too personal asking about my cat, and I ended it. I blocked him. Nothing in that relationship was healthy for either of us, and even thinking on a friendship tells me it’s wouldn’t be healthy to be apart of it.
He was the last guy I actually dated, and that was over a year ago that we last met face to face. Heck, we weren’t even dating at the time. We’d broken up a year before and were just hanging out after fighting, not speaking, and reconnecting. When that was over, I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want him to be right in his judgements of me. I just wanted to find out who exactly I was. I really really didn’t want him to be right about anything.
He was. I didn’t want a relationship. I wanted the debaucherous life of sex and drugs and no cares. I treated sex like a handshake. I needed to fall deeper down the hole before I could pull myself out of it. And then the cosmic shift that I needed to change it all.
I’m on the other side now, and wondering where the hell I need to go to make it work. How do I find the great guy with the smile and eyes? Will I be lucky to stumble upon him or is this something I actually need to go out and search for? Is he the guy who gives me a ‘Good Morning’ text instead of the text for sex?
It’s all about the journey. And I would not be where I’m at with all of the bad experiences, the good experiences, and neutral moments between. He’s other there somewhere living his life, and like me, the world is molding us to work well together. We are just not there yet. That’s what the journey is all about. It’s setting us each up for success apart, and the ability to take on anything, together.