Random Post-Birthday Musings

I have evolved. No, I haven’t grown wings or learned to move things with my mind. It’s a different kind of evolution that has led me to being better than I was. Looking back, I think this was what thirty-one for me was all about. I needed to hit a low point so I could start learning how to spread my wings and fly.

I brought in my thirty-first year with alcohol. And it permeated throughout the year leading up to me hitting a dark and low place. I was slowly destroying myself and my body, and honestly, it could have gotten a lot worse. I am lucky to have the people in my life who helped pull me out of the darkness I was beginning to find myself in. I started 32 on a very different note. I started it with hanging out with my best friends here.

Last year at this time, I was the general manager at the pizza place. I had yet to start bartending. I was drinking all the time, and did not have a healthy relationship with myself. Throughout the year, I actually got worse. I started doing a variety of drugs. I ended up getting involved in incredibly unsafe sexual behaviors. And alcohol ended up beginning to destroy me both mentally and physically. Nothing about me was healthy. This is going to be a very different type of year for me.

Let’s start off by saying that I don’t drink. I work currently at a bar that I love. I have safe and healthy relationships with the people around me. I have started working on a queer culture blog for Jersey City. I am going to be starting a podcast with my friend, Michael. I am in the best shape of my life. I am the healthiest I have ever been in so many ways. I am going to finish my novel this year. And all I keep thinking about is how great things are going, and how gracious I am for the people around me to help me get where I am at.

I am in such an interesting place in my life. I am so honestly happy that I don’t know how it took me so long to get here. I have so much before me, and so much work to do. I am going to prioritize all the right things. I am going to be the best I can this year and set myself up to continue to be amazing. I’m not going to let another day pass me by without be a little bit better than I was the day before. And I hope to inspire everyone else to do the same.

On a side note, I want to give a special shout out to all my friends who regularly read my blog (and those who just happen to catch this). You guys are amazing. You watched me step into the darkness, and you helped pull me out. You guys have so much love, you have so much to give to this world, and you each continue to inspire me daily. You’re wonderful. You’re bright. You’re amazing, and I will do all in my power to help you be the best you can be, and help you be even better. I’ll happily help you through anything you need help with, and I will be there whenever I can. I love you guys, truly. I am blessed to have you in my life.

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