Dating is complicated, and that’s putting it very mildly. Back in January, I deleted all the dating apps from my phone and took a bit of a hiatus from men. I had just hit a point in my life where I could not just continue to give myself up to the world of sex. I wanted friends. I wanted friendship. And I wanted a kind of intimacy that I would not get from a one night stand. I stood back and at the time said to hell with everyone. After six months, I feel ready to put my foot out in the dating pool again, but the big question of ‘how’ remains and what am I looking for in the future Mr. Bell.
To be completely honest, every guy I have dated has been surrounded by two things I no longer partake in: alcohol or dating apps. I met my first boyfriend at a meet and greet at a fraternity party. In retrospect, he was nothing that I wanted in a partner, but the needy person I was wanted someone, anyone. Anthony was in fact anybody. I met my second boyfriend days after I arrived in the city on Manhunt.net. I met Adrian drunk after the Super Bowl. And honestly, the rest I met on some other dating app or another. I don’t want to go back to the dating apps. I don’t want to go to bars alone and stand around not drinking, especially if the idea is to find someone to date. These aren’t things I do.
That means I wait. I am at a very interesting point in my life right now. I am surrounding myself with queer events, gay people, and the culture that I’ve always wanted to drape myself in. Each event is different and brings in different kinds of crowds. Even last week while I was bartending, I watched one of my friends strike up a conversation with someone. He was all smiles and laughter as he talked to this seeming stranger. With everything coming up this summer, meeting people may not be as complicated as I think it is. The second big question is what exactly am I looking for?
I honestly don’t know. I started writing this paragraph in three different ways and each of them felt a little more false than the last. I talked about my friends who relationship I am incredibly happy for. I thought about a great story I want. And I even thought about specific types of men I may be into. However, as I look out the window staring at the people driving by in cars or walking by with large umbrellas, I can’t help but just think that instead of looking for anything I should just open myself up to the possibility. When I’m ready and the future Mr. Bell is ready, we’ll cross paths and our story together will begin or continue. And, it’ll be magic.