Today, I told my friend, Michael, that I felt like I needed to box up my room and start from scratch. He simply sent me a message that said I should clean up the clutter and prioritize my clothing since that has been something that brought on more self confidence. I was struck with a memory of writing a blog article specifically about changing my outlook, my lifestyle, and my look. I waned to do it in that order to set up the new me as fully formed as possible.
I went back and read the article. I literally wanted to change aspects of my personality that within the last four months, I have changed. But change is an odd thing, you don’t really realize it’s happening even when it’s such a large change as I’ve made recently.
I gave up drinking. It started with me falling down and destroying my face. This happened months before my 2018 resolution, but that was really the start of seeing a problem. It was the nonchalant words of Michael calling me a drunk that made me realize the thing I never wanted to be. He said it with no judgement but a matter-of-fact nature that hit me hard. Being drunk at the time, I probably just laughed it off as things people say. Nonetheless, the words forced me to contemplate my life and make the change. I am not sober, but regular drinking isn’t something I do, or something I’d want to do. It’s just not me.
Writing continues. Each day, I try to write or edit something to keep myself moving forward. The InquisiQueer blog started with writing about queer things within the city and has since evolved into a business. I love writing about the community. I enjoy going to events and meeting people. I love everything about the people I currently surround myself. It makes sense to write about it and bring it out into the world. It’s also something that doesn’t have a focus here in Jersey City, and with all the things that are happening it’s good to get a jump on it now. This blog gets a daily post to keep things moving forward. This is my baby as much as my novel, and I love sharing my journey with the world. Last by not least, I am slowly editing my novel so I can get that in the world. I just got the cover done which means now I just have to finish it.
Mental and physical health have always been important to me. I have never been clinically depressed but there have been some real low points. My current job, my friends, and my exercise schedule allow for none of that. I surround myself with positive and healthy people. I work out daily. I love my job. That all keeps me in the right headspace for moving forward positively.
Finances could always use a bit of work, but I’m not behind on anything and things are moving forward well. I really cannot complain.
I changed my outlook by surrounding myself with the right people and environment. I changed my lifestyle by moving jobs and working more on the things I love. Now, I’ve changed my look to fit the new me and the person I see myself as. It’s time to move forward as the new me and keep evolving into the best me possible.